I just made out with a guy for $7.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
