Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
