I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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