i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
