That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just pee around me
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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