Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
