Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
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Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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