and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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