my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
sarcasm needs its own font
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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