the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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