Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
