dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You ate ashes out of my bong
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
