So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
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instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
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And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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