we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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