apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
