I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
