Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
