So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
