My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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