This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
