i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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