My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize