it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
