when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
