he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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