Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
