Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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