she kept yelling 'call me bella'
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
