I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
