He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
