I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
