Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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