Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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