just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
