whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
