Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
