He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
