I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
