Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
