he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
