i don't like sucking hair
This girl is more easily done than said...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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