hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
