Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
