its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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