ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
