she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
