Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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