I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
