he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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