grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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