Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
