like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
