This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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