I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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