My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
