So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
