We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
