yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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