He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
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I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
When are your genitals available?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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