I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
